“When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags,” says a disappointed Wanda in Bojack Horseman and these words often ring true. We want to find love and give each love a chance, but sometimes, being in a relationship is ultimately more unhealthy than being on your own.
In this struggle, many people end up ignoring the biggest red flags in a partner and end up in situations that leave them disappointed and distrustful.
This can often be attributed to a lack of knowledge about what counts as a ‘red flag’, thanks to the societal normalization of abusive love. So, to make you a little bit more aware when it comes to relationships, let’s go through some of the biggest red flags in a partner.
- Controlling Behavior
Do you often find your partner trying to control aspects of how you look, talk, and act with often flimsy reasons or sometimes a complete lack thereof? That is one of the biggest red flags possible. Your partner should not be trying to change who you are and how you present (unless with a genuine reason they bring up in a sensitive conversation rather than telling you to outright change).
What starts with small things such as ‘I prefer you without make-up’ often snowballs into anger and makes you feel guilty for doing things you enjoy. As soon as you start seeing signs of controlling behavior, pack up your bags and run!
- Emotional Unavailability
Something that a lot of people struggle with but refuse to accept is emotional unavailability. This means that they are often unaffectionate and emotionally supportive or present and often either justify it by saying ‘this is just how I am, you’ll just need to get used to it or actively make you feel bad about asking for more.
It is not too much to ask for your partner to give you love and attention and be there for you in difficult times and if they make you feel like it is, it’s time to sit down and have a proper conversation with them. However, if they still are unwilling to accept and work on it, it’s best to get out as fast as you can.
- A Lack Of Communication
When something upsets us, we need to address the issue and talk to the other person about it, no matter how difficult it may be. If this isn’t done right away, it often festers inside and comes out more destructively, resulting in unkindness, anger, and fights.
If your partner doesn’t communicate their needs, expectations, and complaints, and these show up in the form of anger without ever being brought up otherwise, that’s a huge red flag. Communication problems are common, but if they are there over and over without any change or signs of being worked upon, it’s about high time you break up with them.
- They Don’t Work On Their Problems
Do you often find yourself having the same fight over and over? This is probably due to a problem that was pointed out but never addressed or worked upon. If you keep having conversations pointing out the things that make you feel uncomfortable and they accept it and promise to work on it but never do, that’s a red flag.
This cycle leaves you exhausted, upset, and leads to problems with communication since if it’s not doing anything, why start the conversation at all? Generally, when people have their issues pointed out to them, they should be willing to work on it and improve, but if your partner isn’t doing so, that’s a red flag and will lead to a lot more problems in the future.
- They Don’t Make You Feel Safe
A relationship is supposed to make both parties feel safe, comfortable, and a place to learn and grow. If you find yourself stressed out and scared of your partner’s reaction to starting a conversation or messing up, that’s not healthy.
Perhaps one of the biggest red flags is itself that the relationship doesn’t make you feel how it’s supposed to and if you find yourself in this constant cycle of anger from them and fear on your part to speak up, it’s probably best to leave while you can.
While these are some of the biggest red flags in a partner, this is not where the list ends. However, it’s still okay if they accept it and are willing to work on it and you see them doing so.
It’s the unwillingness to accept and the continued presence of these red flags that should be a true indication of how good this relationship can be. Remember to prioritize yourself and your health before all else and leave before things get too bad.
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- red flags in partner
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